Una 1.0

UntitledYesterday was my last day as Una 1.0.

It was a day spent racing around getting things finished before “tomorrow”. I didn’t get everything done because I wanted to see family. Because, well, I needed to.

As I was struggling to put clean sheets on the bed without lifting the mattress (and ripping out my PICC line) …note: Steve did not know I was doing this or he would have flipped out… I thought of how much I LOVE clean sheets. The feeling, the smell. I realized that I love the smell the most because now they just smell like nothing. And this made me sad.

I swapped my fancy smelling laundry detergent to unscented. I put away the hand soap I bought in Verona – it was the greatest smelling hand soap I’d ever used and the smell brought me joy. We spent some hours finding the shop that sold it.

I didn’t buy the salmon/mariner’s choice/seafood cat food, which is their favourite, but instead bought chicken and turkey which smells less strong. Sorry kitties.

You see, chemo can make one averse to scents. So in a effort to prepare – all smelly stuff, good and bad, are now gone from the house for a while.

Sad.

Today was the last day I was allowed to change the cat litter (hurray!) or walk the dogs (booooo) because chemo means one needs to stay away from animal poop due to the risk of infection. I have hand wipes ready because if I pet my creatures I must use a wipe on my hands right after.

Sad.

Today I shaved my legs for the last time for a few months because blades are a no no. Not really sad about this one!

While I sat here this morning feeling puny, feeling a loss of control, I reminded myself that by chance and luck I have the privilege to live in a country where if I get sick I can go to a hospital and get world class treatment and I never see a bill for it. I am grateful for that.

I should be happy, but I was just sad.

I was nervous in the chemo lounge, and every weird sensation freaked me out. I tried to be calm, but I felt woozy the whole time. I feel woozy from anxiety so unsure if these were side effects or Una effects. The staff were so great. SO GREAT. I was done in a couple of hours and left feeling jubilant.

One down.

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Meet Una 2.0 😉 See ya Timor!

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